It had seemed to me I had already been told that all the negative I experienced, all the hate, hurt and evil of the world was a lower vibration of energy, which needed to be raised up into its purest form, which was Love; Source in its highest vibration. I understood this and had seen it in action, this process of raising the lowest form of energy, into it’s highest form. I felt angry, and forgave, I’d been hit with aggression from another and learned from it, I’d raised the lower into the higher many times and continued to do so. Well at least, attempted to do so..

The group of beings I had connected with, whom I came to know as the Druids, said ‘it’, that is good and ‘evil’, the process, was likened to changes in colour. One could change the colour of one’s emotions from red; angry, into indigo; peace, within the blink of an eye, within the change of a thought. To them it was all malleable and from the same thing; All That Is. Anger could be turned into love, as easily as night could become day. The sun simply had to rise and shine the light. It was, this whole question of the presence of evil and the shadow self; a matter of learning.

Rama had taught me that when Source separated itself, for the purpose of knowing itself, it created that which was Not, the Other. The Other I considered is somehow connected to the existence of evil, of shadow. How, in a dualistic world,can you have Light without Darkness? Doesn’t the experience of the dark lead us to know just how bright the light can be? I figured, at this point in my learning, I knew who I was, because I had experienced pain and discovered my own beingness and I knew who I was because I was not… the Other. So I sat with this knowing, this acceptance of the dark as part of my journey as a human being.

But a few years later, just recently in this time of Now, I stumbled across a book I’d found through researching using key words and phrases given to me by Rama. I had been asking about the light, about our origin. This book was called The Return of the Light. What a find I thought, a random book, not common knowledge from my perspective and it was a channeled piece, a series of conversations and the being who was channeled, or the main being, was none other than Horus, or whom she, the medium Elora, referred to as Hera. Well I can tell you, I was excited to read this one, and so I began.

What this being proposed was that the Prime Creator, who made our world also made a mistake. It seems, dum dee dum, Prime Creator whilst minding its own business creating  stuff, ho-hum. Did not notice a malfunction in its creation. So a dark element came into being and began ruining Prime Creator’s perfect creation. This infection spread and before Source could say ‘oh crap’, evil had entered the Universe and we fell.

Well I had just received, a few days earlier, the words Von Siegel, from a being who I had come to know as being connected to Anthroposophy, which led to a concept created by Rudolf Steiner called the Seven Planetary Seals. This was a map of our human evolution. So I began to research this as the same time. Very soon the path that very separately both travelled in my conscious began to merge. Rudolf Steiner refered to a being called Sophia. Sophia was connected to Lucifer and Lucifer was the reason behind the Fall of man, when darkness, or imperfection was introduced. My guide Maria, was one of those such aspects of the Divine feminine. She told me during a walk in the bush and a chat, that they, her beings, the Elohim from the Pleiades, created many worlds, many ‘experiments’ as she called them. But she said something dark infiltrated our world, something they did not predict and I saw a vision of horror. Not just physical horror, but something so dark my heart started racing at the impressions. It was something not of this world, our world, but it came from a place and plummeted earth into darkness. Yet she would not go any further in her explanation, and I did not ask.

So I knew there was a reference of darkness and a connection between, Sophia, Rauch Hakodesh, the Divine Feminine, and this darkness. I knew there had to be a link.

Here I found the Gnostics. Well they believed the being Sophia, split from the Christos at the beginning of creation and this being created our Universe. From this Lucifer was born, who then became the God of our known world. But Lucifer, although a being of light, was an ego based deity and in his love of self, he created the demiurge. This is when things when pair shaped, or so the Gnostics say. Well Horus, in this book was hell-bent on stating that Prime Creator, be that Sophia, or Lucifer, or what not, made a mistake and so darkness was born. Oh dear poor us, oh seriously God, you are an idiot! This was very much the impression the writer gives. She ends up having a friend channel Prime Creator and he is very apologetic that he did not notice the dark infiltrating his Universe. Hmmmm, I began to wonder. Was God that stupid?

You see I had gone over to my mother-in-law’s house, lets call her M, and told her all about this book. She verbally clapped her hands together saying ‘Oh yes send me a copy of that one!’ So I did and so she read it. I went over the next day and there she sat, iPad on cushion, sitting up straight, speed reading the hell out of this thing!

‘Well’ I said ‘You are way past where I am!’ She smiled. ‘All right girl let’s discuss this!’ And so for a week the two of us sat head to head, debating and discussing the issue of evil, the origin of it and was God really that stupid if he was the Big God at all? Cross legged, hand on chin I thought, could a perfect God create imperfection? A cup of tea was placed before me, yummy spearmint and chamomile. I blew on the surface of the very hot tea. Even the clean steam and smoothness of the water seemed perfect. There was so much perfection all around us in nature. I had been teaching my class about the quality of numbers and so I began to see all around me the perfection in the design of life. One of my students had given me a beautiful autumn leaf to place on our nature table, it’s seven points a fascination to her. Perfection was there, no doubt about it. But what of Evil?

‘Well M, is it possible that the Prime Creator is not the All That Is?’ I asked again, sitting up straight now to show my confusion was quite serious. My M shrugs, she does not think that an Omnipresent God could create darkness. Well the question still remains, then who did and if so why? The interesting thing about this book was, the medium had remembered lives in other Universes that had not Fallen. So she knew what it was like to live in a perfect state, in a perfect world. Well if I remembered that, I would be pissed off too! Scuse the language but I would!

It frightened me to think I was in a fallen Universe. Was I safe? And who was in charge really if the Prime Creator couldn’t hold back the forces of dark until now. But, I found other references of this mistake in the channeling of a woman called Elizabeth Trutwin. She channeled Sekhmet, a being I very much adored and this being also describes a mistake made by the Prime Creator that allowed the dark to enter. So did the Gnostics, but as I said they blamed poor old Sophia. Hmmmm, the female Archetypes that bring in evil, as Eve did. I wasn’t sold on their view, so I asked Maria. She said…

‘If you did not have the Ka

You would know nothing 

All sight would be lost to you and you would traverse this  world without conscious awareness of who you were, who you could be

To devolve means one has the potential to grow in knowledge in understanding through this physical realm I have manifested

This was only ever done through love

It was the seed, the state of man who was designed to be all things, where this was held, within the seed, waiting to germinate

I gave life the knowledge of good and evil so that in your wisdom you would grow through choice  

A choice to create yourself

Me: did Sophia create original ‘sin’ and if so then is this why she offered her Son? To heal this place because she created the Demiurge?

I did not create the demiurge this was a result of the forces taking part in creation after I became Gaia

At the time of Astar or Aztar’

This echoed in me, this declaration which Maria had given. It was about choice. She was my mother in spirit, often guiding me through tough times when Rama seems to deliberately take a back seat. I began to wonder about the concept of Original Sin. Was the fall, the infiltration, the reason for the concept of original sin? I mean I knew in Catholic terms, of course when we ate the apple, we were lost to original sin, but I began to see that this term may have been misconstrued through attachment of blame. What if it was not our fault we had a shadow side? What if it was some thing done to us in the very beginning? What if it were not a point of guilt, repentance and ‘oh though must ask for forgiveness’? What if we were not to blame for something that happened to our Universe because during the creation process of separation when light separated, dark became present as the Other? Original Sin I realised was true, but not the way the religions deem it so. We need not ask for forgiveness of our dark and light nature, but accept it as part of our story and beyond our control.

M and I met for the final time, in the context of discussing this new idea of the origin of evil, she’d had it, she was fed up and sick of reading ‘that’ book. Oh dear I thought as the waitress placed two Soy Mochas before our salivating mouths. Sometimes I think there is a spot that coffee hits that nothing else can. Stop at one is my motto, and early in the morn. M explained that she felt we ought to keep it simple. That the more she read, the more questions arose and sometimes, that is not a good thing. The sun was shinning, not a hint of evil here, except maybe that cigarette butt lying on the ground I thought. I screwed up my nose at it. ‘What do you think?’ M asked. I gave out the very vague opinion that there had to be an answer. But M was beyond that now. I was alone in my search for the answer.

Being school holidays and all my main planning done, which took most of the holidays, just saying teachers don’t get a break like most think, I had enough time to begin the next part of my research. So far I knew Wisdom was the key to shifting evil, wisdom of the feminine, who had possibly been the creator of it. This would make sense, that the being, the Divine feminine who deliberately separated and created our world was the key to saving it. I stumbled across material by Rudolf Steiner that suggested Sophia was the Other of the Christ consciousness, or Christos. These two who had been one, then split and when they did, Mother Earth was created, our realm was created and three D came into play. Maria had said Choice, that she did not create the demiurge, that she had created out of love and that the knowledge of good and evil is what gave us choice. Choice meant we were free to choose who to be, through the offering of light and shadow. But Rudolf takes this a step further and explains in his Lecture, The Origin of Evil, that yes, Lucifer created the fall, but he also created self awareness and the ability for us to love the self, thus creating the ‘I’, the ego, the ability to Know Thyself through that which we are, and who we can become. Lucifer was born of Sophia, wisdom, knowledge, and when he fell he brought with him the knowledge of good and evil. He is the ego, the child of Sophia, the lower, but through wisdom, through the Divine Feminine, we can evolve the human ego into that which is the Divine ‘I’ through the process of turning evil into good, darkness, into light. A process that Carl Jung called…. INDIVIDUATION.

Phew, I thought after these pennies dropped. It was now late at night and I was ready to let it all go. I read the last part of Rudolf’s lecture and so he said…

Thinking and wisdom now entered into the service of the self and there was a choice between good and evil.

Love must turn to the self only in order to set the self in the service of the world. The rose may adorn herself only in order to adorn the garden.

That must be inscribed deeply into the soul in a higher occult development. In order to be able to feel the good, man had also to be able to feel the evil.

The gods gave him enthusiasm for the higher. But without evil there could be no self-feeling, no free choice of good, no freedom.

Good could have been realised without Lucifer, but not freedom. In order to be able to choose good man must also have the bad before him; it must dwell within him as the force of self-love. But self-love must become love of all. Then evil will be overcome.

Freedom and evil have the same original source. Lucifer makes man humanly enthusiastic for the divine. Lucifer is the bearer of light; the Elohim are light itself. If the light of wisdom has kindled wisdom in man, then Lucifer has brought light into man.

Rudolf Steiner Lecture: The Origin of Evil, Berlin 22nd Nov 1906

That was the answer I screamed loudly in my head after reading  this. The whole purpose behind evil was freedom of choice! We had the freedom to choose and thus the love that we would experience would be born of free will and a choice to make love our most treasured gift in this life. There is no choice without duality, that was the key to understanding why a perfect God could create the dark. It was created was so that we could choose the light as conscious human beings developing and evolving into so much more.

So Heru, I felt may have half of it right, even if the ‘Prime Creator’ made a mistake, I think, who the Druids call, the Highest in High, is beyond even all of that and sits in the Void, creating the constant flow of creation and love, through letting us be what ever, or who ever the ‘hell’ we choose to be, scuse the pun. We are not evil, we are not good either. We are far more complex than that. But what a journey it is moving from dark to light, even within a heart beat, all the time still being loved, because if there is one thing I know for sure, all the guides I have met and the people who have passed on I know, sit outside of all this shadow/light stuff. I have no doubt that outside of what we know of as the Maya, there is only love and light. So I don’t mind getting my gum boots on and wading through the dark of this life so long as I have a home to go to when it’s done.

H…ooooommmmmm…e. ; )

 

 

 

It seems only recently that scientists have openly begun to acknowledge that we create our reality. In actual fact it was as early as 1805 that a physicist Thomas Young, first had the idea to shoot an electron through two slits, changing the way we perceive reality forever. This was called the double slit experiment. What was revealed shocked scientists world-wide, as it appeared that when the single electron was not observed moving through the two slits, it collapsed into a wave form. Yet when it was observed, the electron remained a particle. This meant that human consciousness had a direct effect on a wave, become matter.

Haven’t we all heard, from someone at least, that we create our own reality? What an odd thing to postulate, many would say in the mainstream world of reality T.V, shopping centres and fast food. This world, this reality is so chaotic, random and often difficult to work through, then, if it were true that we created our own reality then the responsibility for creating what we experience, lies with us. Yikes!

I think the hardest thing to do in this world is to feel this is true when cruddy things happen, which are not obviously of our own doing. The work place for one is a huge space which presents to us difficult behaviour from others and a sense that we have been knocked down, betrayed and treated unfairly. How does one detach if this is true, that I create my own reality, that I am responsible? How do I work through the feelings of hurt at the hands of another?

This lesson has reared itself again in my life, but, despite not wanting to take the full brunt of responsibility for another’s actions, I am very aware that the ‘unfair’ issues I face at the moment, originated from my past. You see what we face in this Now, is never separate from what we have experienced before. I might be in this Now, but part of my consciousness still resides in my past. You see as a teen I was bullied quiet badly when I attended a small, country town high school, in my childhood valley. I was terrified to walk down the hallway as the rougher girls in the school, who decided they did not like me, would sneeze in response to my presence because apparently, I was a dog, a bitch and they were allergic to me. Aside from dealing with the verbal and physical abuse, pretty soon they had spread so many rumours about me that the whole of the school had decided to shun me. I remember sitting behind a tin shed, next to the woodwork room just to find a moment of relief from the taunting. The loneliest of lonely moments is this kind of solitude. So when I grew up and moved through so much in life, travel, study, husband, children, work, I thought nope, I’m good, those days are over. But the truth is, I am still creating my reality now, based on my experiences during that time.

So after finding myself the brunt of a similar situation I know that I have to face those old fears and move my consciousness to the Now, that I live in, not the past. Somehow, I have to detach myself from it, or I will keep creating the same reality of feeling bullied.

I had been to a market and was very drawn to a woman selling clothes that flowed in the breeze of my little town in my new valley. The silk shawls and soft materials called to me, as did she. I went up with a slight smile on my face, feeling somehow this was someone I wanted to talk to. She said ‘Hi’ in a lovely bright manner and like so many Magicians, whose archetype allows them to sell smoke to a fire, ice to an Eskimo, she began to chat with me. I bought her shawl and asked her, about herself. I was curious… She told me of India, of Rishikesh, a place I had planned to visit. My mind lit up with images of her by the banks of the Ganges, washing her feet, at peace, away from civilisation. I envied her at that point. What would that be like, to be so free? At what cost did that freedom come, if any?

The next month she was there again, filling a space in the open car park, her clothes flowing once more. My husband and son were hovering so close by that I felt their auric fields bump mine as I chatted with her. “Go on you two!” I flicked the air with my hand. ‘Keep moving, I’ll catch up.” I turned back to her as she reached for her singing bowl. She said what had been troubling me, that I was not able to speak my truth. I know it sounds like something many healers may say to draw you in. We all want to hear that we are seen, by the unseen. But she had nailed it. My consciousness was still back in the eighties, crying in the toilets at school and I was not coping with the present because of it. She gave me her card and I set up a time to go and meet her.

Where does my stuff go I wonder, when I leave each moment? Where does my energy go, where do I really exist? If this is a reality I create, then, is it real? What of the games we play online, the virtual reality, doesn’t that feel real? Does quantum physics say that this too is a game, a reality made up of energy, waves and particles that follow what we think, feel and do? If so, do I need to be so attached?

As I drove to her home, miles away from mine, I had, for the first time in ages, time to just be. No husband, no children, no work demands, no need to give. There was nothing but myself. A dream I thought, is my life a dream? I arrived at the house and walked up the stairs. She was waiting at the top wrapped in a shawl. She smiled hello, no small talk, a trip to the loo, then on the floor I was guided to lie.

Her singing bowls rang and I allowed myself to merge with their sound. Waves of sound moved through me. Where does my consciousness lie, I contemplated again and why do I still attach to the pain of the past? I felt my guide Rama come fully into the room. He showed me the moment I met him, channeled through the body of medium. I wanted to cry out because he came through as though no time had passed between that moment and the one I was in. He was present in both. I began to move up, out of my body, but no further as my breathing began to labour, which is what happens when I get to that point, as though my body says, no you can’t leave yet.

It was here in this space that I felt no time, that reality was moment to moment, created simply by my awareness. But still that nagging feeling sat in me, that I was not good enough, that I deserved to be treated badly. Then, moments later the feeling passed and Rama became the focus as he showed me that this was not The Reality.

When it ended I sat up dazed. She began to tell me about her life. She was a true devotee to letting go, to detachment, to her Swami, to her practise. I knew a great deal about the teachings she spoke of, as Rama had taught me, but still I was not there yet, I could not let go, leave, wander India with my consciousness on the other side of this reality. I was what she and what Rama had shown me many are. I was a Householder. My life was filled with attachment, so my consciousness sat with that. I could not move past this, and so after this realisation I left with many questions.

Does creating a reality without pain, require letting go of all that attaches? Or could my consciousness reside in that space of detachment while still attached to so much? The past I knew, still needed healing and I thought what if I let go of the need to be heard? Would that be enough to heal myself of the pain I still felt from the bullying? Could my consciousness reside in the Now, fully, letting go of the need for my truth to be heard, because that is what caused me the most pain back then, my truth, the truth of who I was, had been squashed.

I sit with this now, this vibrating thought, that there is someone I have met who lets go, who sits with the Swamis as I wish to and funnily enough that gives me hope, that inspires me. But what if I could create my own reality free from the pain, not because I sit in solitude, but because I don’t need those who hurt me, to hear my truth?