Standing on a dirt road many years ago I wandered early in the morning. I had woken to the sound of strange birds, their calls different to the Victorian birds that sang in the background of my life. Over a period of a year I had begun to hear my spirit guide Rama communicate more clearly and as I walked along the road that weaved throughout the lush trees of Nimbin, he spoke freely, answering my questions. I had been left by my boyfriend at the time and found myself briefly homeless up north, too far away from family to find solace and without as much as $50 in my bank account, not enough to get home; a 16 hour bus fair I could not yet afford.
My friend Angela had answered her landline and in a desperate plea, I asked if I could come and stay until I had found my feet again. She was a two hour bus ride away from the town I’d found myself in. I remember how the sun rose differently each morning to home. It rose with heat and yellow light, a light that seemed to move the green colours of the forest around me, outside of itself and into an ethereal space, pulsating out against the bluest sky.
The question line I had been following with Ram continued from the day before. ‘But why does a belief system exist?’ Ram had shown me during this escape from abandonment, that I created my world simply through thought, that I created the paths I followed, that they rose up before me the instant I placed my foot on spiritual ground.
It took me a few days of questioning before it began to settle in me. I questioned his influence over me, wasn’t that the creation of a belief in something outside of myself? He answered with this:
‘Guidance, within guidance, within guidance, within guidance. Guidance is different to a belief system because you are led to your own knowing. It is not manufactured to suit an outcome, it is a way and one of many you may choose, but there are set laws that rule the realm you exist in and so Guidance is given to help you navigate this world. Belief in me is belief in a construct, but I exist on many levels so my identity is what interacts with you. But I have existence in that which has ‘no identity’, this aspect is beyond comprehension so my being must interact with you in the space of ‘I’
Given that my own spirit guide urged me to comprehend that the idea of him was a construct, that he was eternal, not a ‘he’, not a name, not a god, not an idea to be worshipped, but an aspect of All That Is, it seemed this teaching was integral to my own journey. I must pause here to say that maybe this is not anyone else’s journey, but this is the whole point. What I think is simply, what I think. My belief does not equal truth.
‘Belief sets the parameters of what you experience in your reality. It creates the boundaries of how far you are willing to go. But here, beyond the physical is divine truth, untainted and eternal untouched by human perception. This you can trust, because it is the true reality.’
So as I moved through life, I traveled down paths of intense belief systems, creating firm boundaries. Yet still I had to question even the questioning of whether or not belief was truth, or whether I could free myself from my beliefs and still function. I delved into healing modalities that held strong belief systems, into tarot circles and light worker circles that clung so firmly to belief systems that at times I felt an outcast if I did not talk the talk. I had been in a church when I was young and so knew what it was like to believe only I and my fellow believers held the light inside, all others were doomed to the fate of hell. But inside these belief systems that orchestrated my life, both socially and mentally, I felt a part of something; I felt a sense of belonging.
Yet it always stayed me, this idea that I was to be free from belief. I can imagine that belief and truth are interchangeable. It is well within my lofty mind to comprehend that a belief is truth and a truth is a belief. Does believing not make it so; I think therefore I am, what I believe?
I remember when I first started my healing business Blue Star Tarot, I had found a saying somewhere, maybe written down, maybe I’d heard it from someone, but I used it on my website and a poster I had made up for my readings at psychic fairs, that said: ‘Believing is seeing.’ Yes, you read that right, believing comes before the seeing. We believe in something and voilà, it appears, as real as the day is bright. Ergo, belief must be truth then?
Throughout the ups and downs of my life, and believe me there have been many, as I was constantly questioning and searching for a sense of belonging, my belief in what I had experienced when I left my body on occasion, held me to the mast of life, so that when my ship was hell bent on sailing right into a storm, I managed to stay above the park water, the dark water that threatened to pull me into a watery grave that I would never rise from. So the belief that I existed beyond the physical, because I had been there, kept me sane. Rama was always there, invisible, but still there. He was what I believed in when I was utterly alone. Yet he said to me once; ‘Worship nothing, as this is a man made concept.’ I was not to worship him, I was not to believe in him in a way that blinded me from truth.
So what of belief and truth? How do we not mistake one for the other? They function very much the same, do they not?
This I have been pondering, asking Ram, how do I know if I am facing truth, or belief? Just the other day I seriously began asking again, how do I not mistake belief for truth? And I do understand why the freedom from belief, as belief can create resistance and opposition. But it is not something I will ever be devoid of. I simply strive to avoid becoming embroiled in it, no matter how enticing. But how, how do I know? And so he began to answer.
The first thing Rama impulsed was, that the acquirement of truth requires effort.
It is not easily attained. The attainment of it works as an act of purification of the soul, leading to connection with the spirit, the spirit being who we actually are. (Note here, I was taught by Maria, my motherly spirit guide, that the soul is born out of the spirit. That the soul is a vehicle and only an aspect of our true Self, allowing us to function as a human. But please note the note that you do not have to believe this!)
So the truth works as a purifier and when attained, brings Dharma, or what Zoroaster would call; Right Action. Out of truth comes right action and it may hurt others but the pain is, as a whole, healing. Truth has a healing quality to it that sustains life, a healthy inner life. Internal truth is what counts, a truth that is to be followed as one follows their destiny. It does not push, it flows, yet it can be blocked, so when unblocked, no matter how painful, it brings relief, inner relief. Truth is cathartic, truth has a way of working its way out, of balancing things out in a manner that demands healing of the heart, the soul. It is the colour of deep blue, moving into cobalt blue in the auric field. Truth brings freedom, hence freedom from belief allows for truth to reside in the human soul untainted.
He also showed me that beliefs are like bricks in a building. You can place them in line, they build walls, they hold in a space, what is ours, what is secure. They give security and keep us safe from the big, bad wold who threatens to huff and puff and blow our tower down. But they can also tumble if not maintained. The bricks of belief must be constantly justified, put back in place if they break or fall out, and are at times, incredibly hard to maintain.
Truth is not a brick it is a breeze, he says, one that lifts the heat off your face on a hot day, breathes life into a stale room and sustains a pure existence in a world that at times is filled with big bad wolves, if we know where to look that is.